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Friday, 27 December 2013

Amazon reviews..not only serious







I was in stitches reading the reviews on Amazon.....you really owe it to yourself if you have a quirky sense of humour.

How to Avoid Huge Ships


Bookcover - how to avoid huge ships.jpg
Author John W. Trimmer
Country United States
Language English
Subject Seamanship
Publisher First edition: National Writers Press
Second edition: Cornell Maritime Press /Tidewater
Publication date First edition: 1982
Second edition: 1993
Media type Paperback
Pages First edition: 97
Second edition: 112
ISBN First edition: ISBN 978-0881000191
Second edition: ISBN 978-0870334337
How to Avoid Huge Ships is a 1982 book by Captain John W Trimmer, an experienced small boat captain. The first edition was self-published from Trimmer's home in Seattle, and carried the subtitle Or: I Never Met a Ship I Liked. It is a maritime operations guidance book, but also attracted some attention due to its title, which some found to be unusual, incongruous, and humorous.
Intended for a specialized audience (the captains or operators of small private boats such as yachts and trawlers), the book gives advice on appropriate avoidance actions when confronted by the near presence of a large ship such as a freighter, along with anecdotes and background information such as the capabilities and operating procedures of the large ships.[1]

Bookseller/Diagram Prize and subsequent attention

The book won the 1992 Bookseller/Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year[2] and was used to title the first compilation of prize winners, How to Avoid Huge Ships and Other Implausibly Titled Books (2008).[3] The book finished third in The Bookseller's 2008 competition for the oddest book title of all time (behind Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers and People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It).[4]
Beginning in 2000, the book attracted some sarcastic reader reviews at its Amazon.com entry,[5] mostly variations on the theme of "I've always walked into ships when I took my morning jog, but with this book, I don't have this problem anymore".[6] This snowballed into hundreds of such reviews on Amazon.com, and similar reviews on other sites.[1][7] The book, its prize-winning status, and sometimes its accompanying constellation of odd reviews, was commented on by publications ranging from Cracked[8] to the New York Times.[9] The New York Daily News called it "the best book ever"[10] while Publisher's Weekly conversely called it "the worst book ever".[11]
The Amazon.com price quotes for the book have risen to $300 used, $500 new.
Jimmy Fallon covered the book on his "Do Not Read List" segment of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and Alex Horne's first appearance (at the 2000 Edinburgh festival) was with a show titled "How To Avoid Huge Ships". Tribute to the book's title was offered by a short ebook sold by Amazon.com titled How to Avoid Huge Shits (about avoiding stepping in dog waste).[12]


amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer




oh my God...





8 Stupid Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews


                                      




Everybody is a comedian these days, and the Internet has given us all an enormous stage. Maybe the best example is a supposedly comedy-free site like Amazon.com.
The deal is, anybody can write a review, on any product, whether they have bought it or not. So it's just a matter of finding a baffling/ridiculous/useless product and watching the Internet's sarcasm run wild. For instance, just check out the reviews for ...
#8.
The "Guardian Angel" Acupuncture Device
Yeah, I know, sex toy jokes, right? Fortunately Amazon reviewers turn out to be more creative than you and I:
Bizarrely so:
By the way, the product description claims it's a Korean acupressure device. You roll it around on your hand and it cures your arthritis or something. That actually leads me to quote one more review:
All right, I guess there was room for at least one good sex toy joke.
#7.
Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk
This is a laptop desk that attaches to the steering wheel of your car, which is all that really needs to be said. But, of course, Amazon reviewers take pointing out what's wrong with it to the next level.
I should point out that, when we're done laughing at the stories of people mixing cocktails and eating chili while driving, there are some people who might actually get some use out of this when their car is safely parked. People like claims adjusters or real estate agents, who have to drive from client to client without returning to the office and need to do paperwork in the parking lot.
Not to be a wet blanket and say you can't cut lines of coke during a high-speed chase once in a while. Just do it responsibly.
#6.
Uranium Ore
This is just your average can of uranium ore (well, the store that sells it also sells Geiger counters, UFO/ESP detectors and a camera for taking pictures of psychic auras, so take that as you will). So you've got your standard, "It mutated all the ants in my house!" reviews, but the best ones here are the ones you didn't see coming. Like this:
Or you can just enjoy this Back to the Future reference.


The title's all you need from that one.

















And then there is this.....


Customer Reviews


4,637 Reviews
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4 star:
 (520)
3 star:
 (519)
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 (359)
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 (824)
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The most helpful critical review


50,385 of 50,987 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up...
Published on March 3, 2011 by SW3K

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9,365 of 9,749 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Angle is wrong
I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.
Published 17 months ago by J. Anderson

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50,385 of 50,987 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!, March 3, 2011
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.
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29,656 of 30,439 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my marriage, July 30, 2012
By 
What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!
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17,532 of 18,196 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT Gift, August 3, 2012
Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better.
Ordering one for my nephew who's in the air force in California. He's been using an old slinky to slice his banana's. He should really enjoy this product!
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9,365 of 9,749 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Angle is wrong, August 1, 2012
I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.
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1,978 of 2,107 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars To the Research and Development Department, December 19, 2012
This review is from: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (Kitchen)
Before I invest 2 bucks in this bit of ingenuity, please tell me: What went wrong with models #1 through #570?
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4,664 of 5,047 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Kirk Cameron's banana slicer, August 7, 2012
By 
Noah (Atlanta, GA) - See all my reviews
If God does not exist, then how is it that a banana fits so perfectly in this banana slicer? CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS!
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4,356 of 4,715 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Confusing, September 11, 2012
There is no way to tell if this is a standard or metric banana slicer. Additional markings on it would help greatly.
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3,798 of 4,132 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Just okay, August 21, 2012
I would rate this product as just okay. It's kind of cheaply made. But it works better than the hammer I've been using to slice my bananas.
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2,456 of 2,723 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Don't believe the lie, January 3, 2013
This review is from: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (Kitchen)
Description clearly states "Great for cereal." However, my experience subjecting cereal to the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer left me with nothing more than a milk-sodden shirt and bitter remorse.
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3,508 of 3,892 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Such a time saver, September 24, 2012
No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!
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